It’s the traditional season for gratitude and my inbox is full of marketers and those who want to use gratitude, both real and manufactured, to influence my seasonal purchases. I also receive many emails from people I admire and respect expressing sincere gratitude for their lives and experiences.
Don’t misunderstand; I’m a big fan of gratitude and its kissing cousin, appreciation. I believe that where we choose to focus our attention greatly influences, even creates, our day-to-day experiences.
HOWEVER, I also think we do ourselves a great disservice when we use gratitude platitudes to put a “happy sticker” over the tough things. I have a friend (whom I dearly love, BTW) who frequently says “It’s all good!” in a tone of voice that grates with insincerity. Because, as much as I love this person, it isn’t always ALL GOOD. On the days I can take a broader view, maybe I can glimpse the good. But on my human days, sometimes it just S*%Ks.
In my experience, those things that we don’t look at and acknowledge straight on and straight up – those that we sweep under the rug of our consciousness – tend to “squirt out the edges” at the most inappropriate times in very undesirable ways. Take, for instance, the time I, rather than examining and exploring my feelings of being unloved and dismissed by someone very dear to me, exploded in a full-blown temper tantrum, complete with tears and foot-stomping (although I did stop just short of rolling on the floor in a fetal position).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve learned it not only doesn’t work but can actually backfire if gratitude is simply a cover-up for other feelings. Finding ways to express those true feelings, however ungrateful or downright ugly they may be, is the fastest way back to true appreciation.
A current example is my recent Thanksgiving holiday spent with my family in small-town Texas – 8 adults, 2 in-betweens, and 7 kids under the age of 10 (1 girl, 6 boys, 3 with colds, 2 screamers). My Dad’s lovely meal blessing didn’t increase my gratitude, although I’ll admit the cream cheese mashed potatoes helped a little. What really worked, though, was the power writing I did in my vent journal once I made it home (with a cold of my own). And now, after getting it out of me and onto paper, I can begin to sincerely see spots of goodness again. (Although my reticence is probably the length of this cold…)
My latest gratitude: I am truly grateful for my new daily habit of venting unexpressed feelings in my new favorite Grievance Journal. What are you grateful for?
